Weblog
Friday, 04 May 2012
-
Just a thought
I've been undergoing this self change and although its been diifficult I couldnt be more happier with getting in tuned with myself.
Some changes I Made:
- Prayer
- Exercise
- not stressing over things I cannot control
- saving money
- being more outgoing & open to meeting new people
- getting back on the scene!
Now its only been about a month and i've seem small improvement in my mood and the way I act. Most of all my anger, I used to just be so upset and intense and now I am choose to take the relaxed approach. I like acting like a human and not use my primal instints (unless its in the bedroom
)Today I'm at work watching my co-workers beautiful 4 year old daughter, who actually has me thinking to settle down and have a child. Now all i need is a significant other whose stable and ready for the same thing ( ill be waiting a while!)
Im turning 25 .. (count down 27 days) and im just petrified and I have no idea what to do..
i wanted to do something with a burlesque theme, any ideas?!
Saturday, 21 January 2012
-
The New Year
There's been many changes
some completely life changing and other for the better. Me and my love moved into our first apartment together and its great t know that we have had nothing but great support from our families... something I didn't expect. It hasnt been easy but living together has brought us much closer, less disagreements and we are both understanding each others space. My loves been home recovering so his days arent filled with much entertainment... and im not home much with work
so I do feel like I am missing out on alot.. but.. the weekends..at least Saturdays are just mine and his. 
During this process once again I see who my truefreidns are and those that.. just linger.. I think I have came to a point in my life where I accept everything people have to offer and I am not going to hold grudges. We all have lives.. and I just assumed as we grew older.. we would stick togethernable to h and be proud of eachothers accomplishments.. obviosuly I need to get my head out of the clouds cause not everyone sees it that way. 
I have come to find that my boyfriend has became my best friend.. and its truly .. one of the most positive outcomes from all that we have been through..With life being as hectic as it is.. we are moving again shortly.. but this time I am having to do it on my own cause my love is unable to help.. but its so interesting to see my father take the plate and really help us out.. the relationship between all of us has gotten much better to a healthy place where I am very much pleased,
I had the most wonderful night on Thursday with my fav co-worker girlies.
I really needed a girls night.. just to unwind and get away from my life.. I really need to make it a priority to get back to doing that more often.. at least once a month! The new year has brought me change that I am so happy about.. and for every difficulty comes a positive outlook and I just want to live my 2012 this way!
thatisall.
Saturday, 12 November 2011
-
The wind down
-»¦«-[[xx]]…MoOd…[[xx]] -»¦«- Sleepy
-»¦«-[[xx]]…SpiiNiiNg...[[xx]]-»¦«- 50 Cent : "Here we go again"
-»¦«-[[xx]]…RoCkiiN… [[xx]] -»¦« ...
-»¦«-[[xx]]…TawLkiiN 2...[[xx]]-»¦«--»¦«-[[xx]]…ThiiNkiiN…[[xx]]-»¦«
"the bickering make the love feel like hate
your my soulmate, us being together is our fate
leaving me would be a big mistake
wrong move to make
apart both of us would be in bad shape" - 50 CentSeriously Bapkins was right when he made this song a dedication to our relationship..
Things have been otay.. but the fighting has made is nasty move into this relationship and its causing me to break. I am not sure why we are fighting so much. We had a serious talk about stuff yesterday and simmered the flame, which led us to having an incredible day together, But I am starting to understand the distance between us is causing him to lash out more and has me acting unrealistically. I am trying to work on so much .. on my self emotionally.. and its going ... ok.. but I find that me holding in emotions isnt safe.. cause when i break.. I BREAK. to the point where it is pushing others away.
On a positive note, Marina had her house warming this weekend and I must say I am very proud of her for moving out on her own and I think its a positive move for her, in her life. Things between us.. seem to be good.. kinda like nothing happened at all .. i guess..
But.. i did manage to get myself tied up into shit with who "Conniving" which just taught me a lesson in knowing my ROLE and not putting my input into things I don't need to be involved in. In the end .. I end up hurt for caring to much and I refuse to let that happen again, you dont have to tell me twice =]
thatisall for now=]
Friday, 21 October 2011
-
Changes?
-»¦«-[[xx]]…MoOd…[[xx]] -»¦«- Energized
-»¦«-[[xx]]…SpiiNiiNg...[[xx]]-»¦«- Rhianna " We Fell In Love"
-»¦«-[[xx]]…RoCkiiN… [[xx]] -»¦« ...
-»¦«-[[xx]]…TawLkiiN 2...[[xx]]-»¦«- Bapkins-»¦«-[[xx]]…ThiiNkiiN…[[xx]]-»¦«-
Well the week is winding down, and my parents are coming back from their Mexico vacation. It felt wonderful to have the house to myself, no parental inputs or issues or restrictions, which confirms that me moving out in a few months is a great choice. [not sure how this is going to blow over with my family but..i'll deal with that later.] It brought me closer to my brother, where we have a better understanding and he's acting more like an adult and not a .. child. ^_^.
The other night I got into a ridiculous fight with Bapkins. It was about me saying" I don't trust him", I didn't say it in that exact context, but its what he gathered from the statement I made. I tried clarifying the situation, in the midst of it he just shut me down and did not want to hear anything I had to say. We fell into one of those 5 hour arguments where finally we both compromised.
I absolutely HATE ARGUING. I understand its unavoidable, but I TRY TO avoid it at all cost. I feel like arguments cuase unnessary damage in the relationship and if something can be "spoken about" theres no need to make it into an argument. Which leads me to this:
What are three things you hate about your signifcant other?
- Impatient
- Disrespectful
- Mean
[these are alll things he knows, cause we discussed it & to be fair I asked him what did he dislike about me, but when he's happy, he always say's Nothing.. but I DID remind him the night before the disturbing things he said ..]
- Annoying
- I don't listen to anything he says
- ditzy
ok so I get things are said in the heat of the moment, but I fight.. and I fight with nice words, not to be spiteful and that took me years to change, but because I CARE so DEEPLY about him, I stray away from hurtful statements, in fear that I could lose him. How come he doesn't think that way?
In his defense, things have gotten incredibly better and he is much more aware of m feelings, his change and attidude and outloook on life is incredible and admirable. I guess its all just one step at a time, what can I do to help him change?
Thursday, 13 October 2011
-
Confused
-»¦«-[[xx]]…MoOd…[[xx]] -»¦«- Groggy
-»¦«-[[xx]]…SpiiNiiNg...[[xx]]-»¦«- J. Cole ft Trey Songs " Cant Get Enough"
-»¦«-[[xx]]…RoCkiiN… [[xx]] -»¦« ...
-»¦«-[[xx]]…TawLkiiN 2...[[xx]]-»¦«- nO one-»¦«-[[xx]]…ThiiNkiiN…[[xx]]-»¦«-
Last night I went to dinner with my girlies, we brought along our brothers and it was quite an uncomfortable experience for me. My friends brother is 20 years old, [Andy] but he is not mature by any means, he is so rambunctious, annoying and disrespectful. He speaks to his sister so disgustingly and I was so embarrassed cause I had a close friend at dinner with us. Thinking my brother [Kevin] would stare away from the direction of his ignorance, he joined in [hes 18]. I tried to make small talk amongst all the joke cracking, silly table stuff, and Andy's loud voice, but it just wasn't working. He started making fun of my sneakers and silly little things so i did the same, all in the fun of it. His sensitive spot is his 27 year old, dead beat girlfriend, and being the bitch that I am, I went for the sore spot =D. Words were said, he got hurt, didn't think it was serious cause we joke about her all the time. [ now here's how I see it, if your not going it treat your girl with respect around us, talk about "sleeping with other women" and etc. I feel that he shouldn't of got upset when words were said about her. [Reianna.. whom by the way I have history with, so its not like i dont know the train wreck she is] On our way home I get a call from Reianna being the ignorant girl she is, leaving me crazy text message about talking shit. I just had to laugh it of, but i did say my peace to her about her ignorant boyfriend. Whether she chooses to believe the truth [ which she doesn't] its all on her. Now I am not one to get into peoples realtionship, but if you stirke a cord with me and talk about my man, I will most definitely defend my stance.
I guess the question I'm asking is, "Was I wrong for talking about his girl if he felt the need to talk unnecessary non sense to me?" I mean i was just telling him the truth and stating the obvious.. in the most sincerest way possible, why did he get mad?
On a lighter note, my Bapkins is out the hospital =]
slowly things have a way of looking up
Thank the LORD <3
XxQuT3nShYxXBX
-
- Name: Kavita
- Location: The Bronx, New York, United States
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 5/23/2004
Connect
About Me
-
Life is one hell of a bitch. you just gotta learn how to treat her right and she will be good to you
Subscriptions
Pulse
-
Heading to the NJ-M Hospital, cant wait to spend the day w/ my boo ^_^
-
I HATE BOYS
Chatboard (1)